I “Our fear of missing out is driven by a whole lot of factors in modern society.
We have the social media where we can compare ourselves to others, see how wonderful their lives are, perhaps mine is not equally wonderful. So, I have to change, I have to develop, I have to become someone else perhaps, in order to experience life at its fullest.
We also see a consumer culture with a big marketing industry that constantly tell us that we could have something more, have something better.
It takes practice to willingly miss out on all the possibilities that we’re constantly bombarded with.“ (Svend Brinkmann)
As a psychologist and cultural researcher, Professor Svend Brinkmann defines one of the most common side effects of social media really well. Fear of missing out is only a small part of the broader negative impact that social media has on society, one that has significant social, psychological, and cognitive repercussions.
It is not my intention to tell everyone that they should abandon social media and never look back. However, I believe we will all benefit from cultivating a new, more sober perspective on social media.
Fear of missing out is a relatively new term
The concept of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) entered the Oxford Dictionary only a few years ago.
Until then, we did not have a clear definition of this anxiety that accompanies, for example, the news that we will not be able to attend a social event, and the feeling that it’s going to be a terrible miss. Or sometimes when we have a desire to get rid of an obligation because we are invited to do something that sounds much more appealing to us. Or when coworkers talk about some TV show and we have no idea what they’re talking about.
There’s even an expression of fear of missing out in the tendency of drivers to communicate on WhatsApp or check their emails or Facebook while risking their lives and the lives of others.
Sometimes, even after we choose to disconnect, we are compelled to check one more thing on our mobile device.
Fear of missing out can range from subtle regrets over missing out on something to saying yes to every invitation, regardless of whether it is a good idea.
Most of our social media activity is driven by the fear of missing out. It causes a subtle and persistent feeling of anxiety and has a negative impact on our quality of life.
FOMO is supported by technology
A Silicon Valley entrepreneur who founded a movement called ‘Time Well Spent’ (today – Center for Humane Technology), Tristan Harris, tells us in his article “How Technology is Hijacking Your Mind — from a Magician and Google Design Ethicist” about the many ways in which technology dictates our agenda. Apps, websites, social media – they are all aware of our fear of missing something important and use it to keep us connected.
A fear of missing out most often arises before we disconnect from technology and not after. We can significantly weaken and diminish this fear by disconnecting from technology for a long period of time, such as a whole day or weekend.
Technology companies make their revenue by exploiting our reluctance to abandon apps and social media. It’s not because they have bad intentions, but because their economic model is based on the amount of time we spend on their digital interfaces.
In order to keep us connected as much as possible, they employ the most brilliant minds to develop technology that uses our psychological and cognitive weaknesses. FOMO is just one of these weaknesses, but it is a significant one.
What is the wonder that it is so difficult for us to free ourselves from this fear?
So how can you convert the fear of missing out into the joy of missing out?
JOMO is an antidote to the fear of missing out. It involves being present in the moment and connecting to a feeling of satisfaction with what we have in life. Consciously letting go of the need to compare ourselves to others. Turning off the background noise that keeps us from knowing what is right for us.
It is the practice of saying no to things. Choosing a few things of value over a lot of things of little value. Prefer meaningful interpersonal relationships over superficial digital ones.
The practice of disconnecting from technology and enjoying its mental and emotional benefits. To reconnect with ourselves, our needs, and our desires.
Tech-free time
Make sure you have free time during the day and during the week disconnected from screens. That your work and leisure spaces are organized to support this.
You can reduce distractions by:
- Cancelling notifications on your phone.
- Using your phone’s Do not disturb setting
- Disabling social networking apps on your mobile to limit their use during work hours.
- Setting a time limit for screen time
And these are just a few ways you can ensure screen-free time.
Intentional time management
If it’s physical activity, a coffee meeting with friends or colleagues, a writing session or anything else you enjoy, put it on the calendar.
Practice saying no
It is important to practice saying ‘no’, especially if you personally struggle with it. You can choose not to answer an incoming phone call or not to reply to a WhatsApp message as soon as it appears. You can choose not to attend an event or meet a particular person based on your own personal preferences.
As soon as you start feeling comfortable saying no, you can pay more attention to what’s right and accurate for you – often the ‘no’ is much more appropriate than the ‘yes’.
Slow down
Take your time. Pause your reaction, allow yourself to understand what you feel. Do not check Facebook or the news website in an immediate response to stress. In the mind space that opens up, ask yourself “Is this really what I want to do?”, “Will this benefit me?”. The weekend is the perfect time to let go of our urges that lead us to screens, and devote ourselves to rest.
Practice being in present awareness
In the end, the perfect alternative to missing out is to be filled with what this moment has to offer. The invitation is to return to mindful presence in the present.
Returning to the present as a default – what I am doing right now in my immediate experience. It is more meaningful and fulfilling than what is waiting for me online. Maybe you need to make some adjustments to your immediate reality to make it more meaningful. It is an antidote to what you miss in parallel and infinite reality.
Take action based on your values
In the absence of clarity about what matters to us, all things seem like options. However, the more things there are, the greater the confusion and sense of loss. In order to make decisions easily and based on intuition, we need focus – some kind of guideline that helps us make decisions more easily. You can acquire the ability to choose consciously if you know what matters most to you and act accordingly.
Ask yourself the following questions:
– What are the first things I would do if I didn’t have to worry about making a living?
– What does an optimal day look like?
– What do I do that makes me feel guilty afterwards?
– What are my goals and objectives?
Write down your answers on a page and keep them visible. The insights that you gain will serve as your compass. You can start focusing on lifestyle activities that serve your values and goals. As we reflect on the things we choose to do, we also see what we do not want to do. As a result, it becomes simpler to decide whether to say yes or no. We embrace what is in line with our values and politely reject what stands in our way.
The abundance dilemma
The world we live in is more abundant than ever. We have endless options at our fingertips. The key is to choose what is right for us at the time and put everything else aside. Due to the fact that we live in a digital world and are sometimes connected to it more than we actually want, we have to make a conscious and active choice about how we use technology. We have to protect ourselves from the dilemma of abundance that leaves us feeling like we are missing out. Feeling that there is something better that could be chosen, bought, and experienced.
I encourage you to apply some of the guidelines in this article. Especially if you also suffer from fear of missing out to one degree or another (welcome to the club). They may seem rather abstract at first, but given the right attention, each can help you attain a state of quiet awareness. Changing habits begins with awareness. It is the door through which you can move to a more relaxed and present life.
